Yoshiette Adventures #9: Yoshiette goes to Japan: Part 2: Escape from the Yakuza...

PREVIOUSLY ON YOSHIETTE ADVENTURES...


Yoshiette 1 and Joe Tokugawa, go for a relaxing trip to Japan, But They're both trying to piss off each other, and are now stuck in a Yakuza Hideout, now back to the story.

Yoshiette 1: Joe, let's rock ourselves out of this S&M trap...

Joe Tokugawa: How am I suppose escape with twin handcuffs connecting wrists together with each other...

Yakuza member #1: Trying to Escape will automatically result in execution.

Yakuza member #2: You tell any crew via phone call Team Yoshi that if they don't deliver our 1 Billion, you die...

Meanwhile at A. Yoshi Productions World Headquarters (which is essentially a Budget Penthouse)...

Phone: Ring Ring Ring! Phone call Phone call! Ring Ring Ring! Phone call Phone call! Ring Ring Ring! Phone call Phone call!

A. Yoshi: What?

YE1: Listen to me, I'm going to die in just a few weeks. Unless you can Give me 1 Billion Yen, or $10 Million. So if you can...

AY: HOORAY!!!! 2 LESS PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH!!!!

YE1: NO!!!!! ALL I'M ASKING IS THAT YOU PAY THE RANSOM AND...

AY: I'M BROKE!!!!!! Even if I had that type of money, I'd move to Japan, Get a huge game collection, and live a happy life with...

YE1: Can you get my sister?

AY: Fine...... Ugh....

Yoshiette 2: Yesssss.....

YE1: I'm Trapped in a Yakuza Hideout, and I need either $10 Million, or get someone to...

YE2: Sorry, I Don't Speak Klingon.

YE1: First of all, IT'S NOT KLINGON, SECOND, GET SOMEONE WHO DOES!!!!!

YE2: Duck Nukem, Phone for you...

Yakuza member #2: Joe's turn...

JT: Hey Bro, I was wondering if you could save me from the yakuza..

Duck Nukem: Considering that would require me missing Baywatch, How 'bout...

Yakuza Member #2: Asking outside help to Get you out without Paying is another way to get executed.

As the Execution is pending, weeks go by, and our favorite pervert and our favorite robot intern reflect on their lives...

YE1: No matter what I said, I always loved all my friends at Team Yoshi...

JT: I always wanted to see a private strip show starring Cynthia from Pokemon, Mami Tomoe, Tifa Lockhart, and all the others on my list of top 20 Waifus of mine, Now it May never happen...

YE1: I had a Crush on Chris "Irate Gamer" Bores, now I'll never get to let him know how much I loved him... Oh, and I'll never get to see my fantasy Bores-Rolfe Crossover...

JT: I never got to Become A successful Mangaka at Weekly Shonen Jump...

Yakuza Member #3: It's Execution Day, I gave your friends time to pay up, now you won't live to see 2017...

Later at another part of the Yakuza Hideout...

Yakuza Game Show Host: WELCOME TO...

Audience: WHEEL! OF! EXECUTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yakuza Game Show Host: Here we have a duo of idiots, who have no business on our Property!!!! They are 2 time sex offender Joe Tokugawa, and Baka Gaijin (Stupid Foreigner) YoshiBeth...

YE1: It's Yoshiette!!!!!

Can't you use your martial arts skill to spare my life?

JT: No, Sho ga nai (it can't be helped), I can't handle 200 of them...

Yakuza Game Show Host: Up Up Up, talking is yet another "go to the guillotine" card...

You could get out of the hideout for free, but it's small around 2 Dragon Lord's decision spaces....

The other 7 are, Electric Chair, Guillotine, Spike Pit, Gas Chamber, gunshot, Samurai Sword beheading, and hanging...

*Spins Wheel*

YE1: Come on Get out for free...

*45 seconds later*

*Arrow points at the edge of the inside of Get out for free...*

JT: Yes, yesssss....

*Arrow goes through pin landing on Dragon Lord's Decision*

S**T!!!!!!!!!!!

Game Show Host: Time to ask the Dragon Lord...

Open gates of fate...

Game Show Host: Oh Mighty Dragon Lord, How may the execute these 2 clowns

Yakuza Dragon Lord: Hmmmmmm...... Samurai Sword Beheading!!!!!!

*Combination of Frosty the Snowman and Star Wars theme plays*

Santa Claus: CHOCOLATE PUNCH!!!!

Turns Game Show Host into a Chocolate bar...

YE1: Holy...

JT: SANTA-SAMA!!!!!

Santa: SKITTLES FOOT TRAP!!!!!

Get Into My Sleigh FAST!!!!!

Where do you live?

YE1: Penthouse of 4816 Yoshi Street, SimCity, VideoLand...

*Sleigh Flies away*

Dragon Lord: You shall not escape alive!!!! *turns into actual Chinese Dragon*

Santa: Use My Sleigh's Gatling Guns!!!!

YE1: Since when does Your Sleigh have Gatling Guns?

Santa: Long story, just shoot!!!

*Yoshiette and Joe T. Fire Gatling guns at Dragon Lord*

Dragon Lord Health 90%

YE1: Fire at his Claw!!!!

Dragon Lord Health 76%

JT: Fire at his other claw...

Dragon Lord Health 49%

YE1: Attack his 3 Weak Points for Massive Damage!!!!

*Dragon gets ready to Breathe fire 3 times, until actually Defeated*

*Dragon Lord falls*

*Dragon Lord Plays Mario 3 Flute*

*Tornado Takes him home*

Back at A. Yoshi HQ...

YE1: *Sighs* I guess we won't be having Christmas KFC this Year...

???: Did some one say KFC!?

JT: Colonel Sanders!?!?

Colonel Sanders: Yep, my day job for the other 300 something days of the year...

I'll give you my offering of Christmas KFC, just like in Japan.

Time says I have to go, *turns into Santa again* But I'll give you presents...

DN: A VOUCHER FOR BUFFALO WILD WINGS!?!? SWEET!!!!!!

JT: A Pokemon's Own Cynthia Gravure Art Book!? YATTA!!!!!!

YE2: A Complete selection of Viz Sailor Moon DVDs from the Future?!?! RAD!!!!!!

YE1: A NEW SMARTPHONE, AFTER THE OLD ONE GOT SMASHED BY THE YAKUZA!?!? HUZZAH!!!!!!

AY: A $100 STEAM CARD!?!?! THANK YOU SANTA!!!!!


*Into the night sky*

Santa: Have Yourself a very Kentucky Fried Christmas, and A Finger Lickin' Good New Year!!!! Ho Ho Ho!!!!!


MERRY CHRISTMAHANAKWANZA 2016!!!

Yoshiette Adventures will return in 2017

Yoshiette Adventures #8: Yoshiette goes to Japan

DISCLAIMER:

THIS IS NOT AN ACCURATE DEPICTION OF GOING TO JAPAN, IF I OFFENDED ANYONE WITH MY EXAGGERATED AND FICTIONALIZED STORY, I DO APOLOGIZE!!!!

Joe Tokugawa: I want to return to Japan since Trump is going to be president in just over a month...

A. Yoshi: Isn't Yoshiette looking for a friend to to japan with? You know, to get Christmas KFC...

JT: Thanks for telling me I should pack...

Before the Flight

Yoshiette 1: OK good, but remove the cocaine.

JT: But I was able to bring it when I lived there...

YE1: Doesn't matter, you're not allowed to bring drugs to Japan.

JT: F**K!!!!!

Midway into the flight

My brother was a sumo wrestler, and he competes in competitive matches. Also he called me a nerd. If you want to see tapes of my brother's matches, feel free to ask.

YE1: OH MY GOD!!!! COULD I BE EVEN MORE BORED FOR 6 AND A HALF HOURS STRAIGHT!!!!

JT: can we visit my father's Country estate in Kyoto?

YE1: Yes, but we're staying in a hotel Tokyo...

Day 1: Tokyo:

Don't you even think about breaking the bank here, or you're fired...

JT: Ummm.... put some sort of dress on, you shouldn't be wearing christmas lingerie in public japan, also no cleavage.

Later at the hotel...

YE1: So let's plan our month here. This week we'll be going all around Tokyo, next week It's Osaka, and for the last few days of the trip we'll be going to your father's country estate...

Day 2: Lunch at Nogata Hope:

JT: Can I get some snacks at the 7 Eleven?

YE1: Maybe later, you'll want to buy everything at the store...

Where do you want to have lunch?

JT: Maybe a ramen shop?

So we both ordered a slightly greasy shio ramen with gyoza dumplings and rice. It's important say Itadakimasu because it's proper manners.

YE1: Let me guess, you don't want want me to slurp?

JT: You Can. Slurp away.

YE1: YIPEE!!!!

Later At Azabu Juban district.

JT: I'm Thirsty, can we go the 7 Eleven?

YE1: There's a Vending Machine by the onsen we're going to, just wait an hour and we'll get our drinks.

10 minutes later

JT: Well this sucks, I'm in a onsen with all guys... well it should be worth it when I get my Sailor Moon Soda...

After the Onsen...

YE1: For dinner we're getting a hot lunch from a vending machine, Sio Ramen, and whatever drink you want...

Buys Hot Onigiri, Fried Chicken and Potato, ramen, and 2 Sailor Moon Sodas.

JT: Let's call a taxi, I don't want to have food on the train.

YE1: I bought some gum from that vending machine, let me have this mint flavored... OH MY GOD!!!! IT'S NOT GUM, IT'S CIGARETTES!!!!!

JT: What was your first clue? That it costs 430 yen, or the fact you saw the Marlboro Logo on the machine?

Later that night

YE1: Tomorrow we're going to have lunch at the Gundam Cafe. then exploring the Akihabara...

Day 3: Akihabara

I love this restaurant, It's kind of a shame Yoshi won't like this because he's such a picky eater.

JT: Can I get a gashapon from this store?

YE1: Yes but only spend 50 bucks...

Later

YOU SPENT HOW MUCH?!

JT: 10,000 yen...

YE1: Next Time if you want something that bad, just use your debit card.

4:00 PM: Super Potato

I Think I'll get my Yoshi Poo a boxed copy of Kirby 64. are you getting anything?

JT: A MSX2, and boxed copies of Metal Gear 2 and SD Snatcher...

Can we just go home so i can get a meal from the 7 Eleven, and fill up my funds.

YE1: No I want to play arcade games at the Sega Gigo.

JT: It'll only take 20 minutes to 7 Eleven and back...

YE1: Fine, just meet me at the Gigo.

20 minutes later

JT: Hello ma'am. want some of my Fanta Melon or Chicken Sandwich

YE1: HOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO!!!!! Did you have to scare me like that?

Great I lost my playthrough, now I HAVE TO Put in 100 yen to start a new game. Go make yourself scarce, play some games and we'll meet 6:30.

7:00 PM: Pachinko Parlor.

*Whispers* I Think this place is going to give me a seizure.

JT: *Whispers* Me Too, but I want to enjoy the night life...

???: have you seen this guy?

YE1: Yes He's siting next to me.

Mystery man punches both Yoshiette and Joe.

10:00 PM: Undisclosed Location

Yakuza Member: welcome to the Yakuza, here you'll be waiting for your execution and your Yoshi-poo has 3 weeks to pay a 1 Billion Yen Ransom if you want to survive.

YE1: What's 1 billion yen in US Money?

JT: Not Good.

Will Yoshiette 1 and Joe Tokugawa escape from the Yakuza base and have a KFC Christmas, or will they be executed, Find out on the 25h as we conclude this screwed up Story...